Rothacker Reviews

Fibromyalgia

Welcome to my disease. Warning! The following diatribe is not intended for adult consumption. If you can tolerate pissing and moaning, proceed at your own risk. On second thought, don't even go here. Words today are for future relatives who find the remains of my Typepad account buried in the nuclear proof cement block room located two levels below my basement .

Do you know what the term "lulled into a false sense of security," means? It's sort of like when you do something that irritates your wife and she doesn't say anything. And then you do it again and again and again. Suddenly you rejoice in her new found understanding. It is okay to leave your underwear on the bedroom floor. You begin to feel smug and confident and cocky. What's wrong with your buddies' wives? Huh, just don't have em trained proper, you strut. And then your wife's hammer comes down so fast, so brutal and with such prejudice, you willingly turn yourself into the local police department. "Sir, I am guilty for leaving my underwear on the bedroom floor. Lock me up."

As the deputy begins to process your paperwork and assesses your broken jaw and the bruises that he can see, you wonder how you could not possibly have seen this coming.

The underwear that I have thrown on the floor was the five years that I tried to work (as in day job slave) with fibromyalgia. Now, let me briefly explain the little lady's right hook and subsequent body shots that I incurred.

For the last year or so I've existed in the sheltered environment of my own home. When I am able, I do light exercises, read and write. By afternoon I am in so much pain that we do not engage in social activities. At this point I cannot drive a car either. I try to get to bed by 8.

So, being the Einstein that I am, I get the idea that I can do some volunteer work. I talk to the volunteer coordinator and make plans to attend mandatory training - this morning. I wake up this morning underneath a steam shovel. I can barely move.

What was I thinking?? 

I shouldn't tell you this and remove all doubt about my brilliance, but...  Yesterday morning I ran an errand that took three hours. By the time I got home it felt like I ran a marathon and had been up for seven days without sleep. I was so delirious that I didn't even take a pain pill and just collapsed on the bed. I woke up in the worst fog.

My learning experience in all of this and the reason that I am so grateful now, is that I didn't waste any more of this organization's time.

For me this isn't doing some sort of heroic act in spite of my pain, it is about recognizing what the heck I am dealing with and being real with myself. 

If by chance you chose not to follow my advice and actually did read through to this point, show me NO pity. There are millions of people a whole lot worse than me. I believe that I did realize therapeutic value in publicly flogging myself for being so stupid.

Rape and When a Child Cries

The other kids clear the classroom. She turns to follow and then stops. The demons inside push her towards the door. She fights. She quivers. And then she pushes herself towards the teacher and the guest speaker. Her brain feels like it's going to explode as she begins to sob. The moment she opens her mouth, she knows her life will never be the same. But will it ever be better?

"I was raped..."

I wrote the other day about Linda Hurtado's video interview of Elaine Carole. At one point in the interview, Elaine is talking to a high school class about sexual violence and rape. She encourages the kids to ask for help if they are a victim. Following the talk, a young lady approaches Elaine and the teacher (the paragraph above is a characterization based solely upon my imagination). Her tears of pain and the sobbing hurt however, were real, very real. And I can't get her pain and emotion out of my mind. It hurts me.

Since ABC Action News aired their first segment on domestic violence in April of 2009, I've spent time researching both domestic violence and rape online. The amount of news and information is staggering! With so much of it out there, you wonder why it doesn't come up in everyday conversation more. You know though. It's a highly sensitive subject. You're not about to tell your fellow worker about a rape in the family the way you would tell them about the play your kid is in. Domestic violence and rape are engulfed in taboo.

I believe when a normal, caring adult hears and feels the pain and emotion in the sobbing of a victim of sexual violence, it will begin to break down the walls of ignorance and indifference. As normal, caring adults however, we need to make it easy for kids to approach us. We need to develop a sense of awareness.

Here is a link to Pandora's Project and a list of essays and articles on sexual violence and rape. Spend some time and increase your awareness. Don't let young adults and children suffer from sexual abuse.

Here is the National Domestic Violence Hotline phone number to call for help: 1-800-799-7233

If you're in Florida call the this number (or you can call the number above as well): 1-800-500-1119

A Child's Plea for Help

"I am being raped every day. Can you help me?"

If you're like most normal human beings, you'd move mountains to help the child who came to you with this question. Intuitively you'd know: I don't have to be a doctor, therapist or social worker to help here. I can spend five minutes on Google and find a local agency to help.

You'd make the call and feel really good about what you did.

You know what the problem here is? Most kids who are the victims of sexual violence are either afraid to ask for help or don't know who to ask. Can you imagine being trapped in this vicious prison?

Elaine Carole knows.

ABC Action News team member Linda Hurtado tells Elaine's story in this segment from ABC Action News' recent prime time special Taking Action Against Domestic Violence.

So, if kids are not asking for help, how can we help them? Watch the ABC Action News story (linked to above) and check out the resources and links on this ABC Action News' Web page.

With a little education and information we can learn to recognize signs of abuse and make it easier for a child to reach out for help.

From the Florida Department of Children & Families here is the statewide number to call for help: 1-800-500-1119

For more on Elaine Carole and her book Stolen Innocence visit her Web site here.

Lizzie's Sister Leslie

Hi, my name is Leslie. I'm Lizzie's sister. Lizzie still lives across the country with our Mom. She still goes to school and still works with the ladies in the kitchen. Lizzie is as tender and caring of a human being as God has ever put on this Earth. Lizzie would give a person in need the shirt off of her back. In fact, one time she did just that. Mom tried to explain that girls weren't supposed to walk about wearing only their bras. Lizzie's didn't understand. Mom chalked it up to one of those precious Lizzie moments.

I work as a designer for a graphic arts firm on the east coast. My life hits the accelerator the minute I get up in the morning and doesn't let up until my head hits my pillow every night. Days blur into nights that blur into days that blur into weeks that blur into memories that I can only remember by looking back on my Facebook page. I don't call Mom as much as I should and I call Lizzie less. I love them with all of my heart but life seems to be getting in the way. 

Mom called yesterday to let me know that Lizzie's best friend moved away. Sam, who had practically grown up with Lizzie, has all of his chromos. Sam would play with Lizzie and bring her chocolate candy and talk with her and protect her from imaginary demons and tell her her clothes didn't match and take her shopping. Although they are both thirty-two years old, when they are together they are nine. No one, including our own Mom, is more protective of Lizzie. Sam's company relocated to another state. He had to go. Lizzie was crushed.

I could feel her pain a thousand miles away. I want to take her into my arms and comfort her. I want to brush her hair back and let her cry on my shoulder. I want to take her pain away. The thing is, I'll call Lizzie and she'll be happy to hear from me. She won't say anything about how long it's been since we talked or how long it's been since I sent her a card. She'll forget about Sam and put all of her concentration on me. Who will be comforting who?

Some of us are chosen to help others...even though life has been placed in our way, even though mental challenges have been placed in our way. Sometimes we need a friendly nudge to move forward. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call to get us moving. Sometimes it's the right thing to do.

The Rise of the Real Mom & How Dads Can Help

So easy, even a caveman can do it.

The Rise of the Real Mom is a white paper published by Advertising Age, written by Marissa Miley and Ann Mack. I found this paper and an excellent summary of it at Michele Miller's site Wonder Branding. I discovered Michele at Roy Williams' site the Wizard of Ads when Roy began to partner with talented marketing folks like Michele a few years back. Michele's review and link to a free download of The Rise of the Real Mom.

When I was a manager and needed to learn more about Gen Y & Gen X, I studied websites like Brazen Careerist. Penelope Trunk and her crew teach the younger gens how to build and nurture a network of trusted peers. And, they teach these folks how to optimize their experiences with older people like myself. So in essence, I went undercover to learn.

To become a better hiring manager I studied Richard Nelson Bolles' book What Color is Your Parachute? Richard gives job seekers advice on career building and how to get jobs. I went undercover again.

Married dads with kids, consider going undercover to learn more about your wives...

Married dads with children, would you like to better understand your significant other? Take a break from the relationship gurus. Listening to a relationship guru is like Bear Grylls telling you that you can be just like him. You know Bear Grylls from Man vs. Wild, right? You could do what Bear does, if you had his gear, right? Riiiight! Just like you could be the head hunk author in a book titled, How I conquered 20,000 Women by 20, right? Yeah riiiiight! So, put the guru on hold and think about what you can learn, looking at it from a different point of view.

The survey and author's aim is to focus on how marketers can change their strategies to more effectively communicate with women, particularly those between the ages of 18-44. (Don't be distracted by just this age group, common sense will tell you it's applicable to most moms). The data is the result of more pragmatic, business-like questions and less emotional ones. As you read through this business-like report, you can't help but feel the cold, harsh realities that women are up against. If you care about your wife, the answers for how to better communicate with her and how to make her life easier, will permeate your conscious.

Sure a caveman can do it. Now how about you!?

btw, I love the Brazen Careerist web site and still visit often and I am now on my third edition of What Color is Your Parachute? (bought first in 1981).

Christine Kane: 5 Large Life Lessons of 2009

I do believe that everyone who reads Rothacker Reviews is familiar with Christine Kane. On the outside chance I can reach one person in this solar system who isn't familiar with Christine, then I have succeeded. Do you think you might be able to help me find this one person? Please forward Christine's article here.

Thanks!

1/8/2010 update - I was browsing one of my bookshelves here at Rothacker Reviews and re-discovered this a Six Degrees of Blogging adventure that I wrote three years ago which contained a tidbit on Christine.

5 Large Life Lessons of 2009 by Christine Kane

I keep hearing people complain about 2009. "Good riddance!" they shout.

I loved 2009. I loved it as much for its challenges as its successes. In fact, I believe that the tumults we've faced as a global community are forcing us all off auto-pilot and into a place of deeper Creativity. 

As a creative entrepreneur, I had my share of power-packed lessons this year, and I am excited to continue learning from them! There's no need to live in fear. As Einstein said: "The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or a hostile universe."

Here are my 5 favorite lessons of 2009:

1 - Our Growth is Often Proportional to Our Investment.

This lesson is one of the gifts of owning your own business - though it sure doesn't seem like a gift at first! 

The employee mindset goes like this: "Hey, when the company pays for it, I'll do it." These past two years, I've invested more in my education and coaching than ever before. Yet again, I had to move past the "employee mindset" and plunk down my own moolah. Not only did I step up and play a bigger game, (When our cash is involved - we gotta show up, right?!) but my income skyrocketed.

2 - Clarity Trumps Practicality.

Last March, I had the idea of putting on a big event later in the year.

I said something like this to my coach: "I just don't know if this idea is practical, given the economy." 

Sheri gave me that look that coaches give clients when the client has just stepped into the Land of Crappy Thinking. She said, "I don't care if it's practical. I care if you're clear that you want to do it."

I got clear. I did it. It was great. (Yes, even in this economy!) 

Clarity trumps practicality. When someone is clear, and they take action from that place of clarity – then practicality has no choice but to move aside and let manifestation occur

3 - Systems Are Sizzlin'.

I've always been great at "winging it." I'm creative. I'm intuitive. I take action.

The only problem when you're good at winging it is that you often live in chaos, and you tend to see everything on your to-do list as urgent. After a while, this leads to burn out. 

Systems require that you step back and look at your daily activities with deep reflection. Systems require that you ask: "How does this work? How can we make it more effective?" Systems allow you to step away from your work, take vacations, have weekends – and most blessedly, have lots of free space in your mind for creativity to bloom.

4 - Ignoring your Business and Marketing Doesn't Make You Humble. (It makes you fail.) 

I was a big fan of the statement: "Do what you love, and the money will follow." It's a beautiful philosophy. Andtrue on so many levels.

But I used it as a way to ignore the business side of my work. After all, hey, if the money will follow - then I don't ever have to deal with it, right? 

Uh, wrong.

I've since learned that avoidance is not a game plan. Neither is hope.

Even though I was busy in my business this year, I experienced a deeper peace than ever before because I understand how run my business and marketing. In the same way that Creativity and Songwriting taught me so much at the beginning of my career – facing my business and being brave enough to market my work has taken that learning to a higher level than I ever imagined.

5 - Serve. Or Be a Servant. The Choice is Yours. 

You serve others with your attention, your intention, your health, your clarity, your awareness, and your power.

You serve others by charging what you're worth, taking care of your health, honoring your time so that you're not distracted or multi-tasking, by making requests rather than complaining, and by taking full responsibility for your thoughts and actions. 

When you're a servant, however, you're a slave to the ego, which wants you to believe that serving others means ignoring yourself. After all, the ego would prefer that you remain powerless, fearful, and unaware. That way, it keeps you tethered to the idea of "security." When you don't understand power (or service), you need security for survival. The ego is great at security.

The difference may seem subtle. But the power of this lesson has been staggering.

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Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her 'LiveCreative' weekly ezine with more than 11,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

WANT TO SEE HUNDREDS MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE? See Christine's blog - Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous - at ChristineKane.com/blog.

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Tim Tebow

The Difference with Tim Tebow

I remember when football nation was buzzing about Tim Tebow. Our family had just moved to Florida as Tim was graduating from high school. I told Rosemary this kid is going to be something special and we are going to have front row seats to his story, which was to play out at the University of Florida over the next four years.

Tim's college football career is now one of legend - a legend that is so popular, all one has to do to is type "Tim" into Google. Suggested search results has Tim Tebow in the third position.

I have seen close to eighty percent of UF's football games over the last four years on TV in addition to reading about the games and its program in our town's two newspapers. Aside from his work on the football field, there is almost always a mention of his work as a humanitarian. The manner in which the reporters and announcers talk about Tim is fascinating. It goes something like this: "You know all the hype you hear about Tebow? It's underrated. Tim Tebow is genuine, he's the real deal and until you meet and talk with him in person, it's impossible to get your mind around it."

Bill Billick mentioned it last night at the Sugar Bowl, Tim's record setting last game as a collegiate athlete. Billick had just met Tim for the first time this past week. You could tell, Billick, an ex NFL head coach and seasoned football guy, had been noticeably impacted upon by Tebow .

In Orlando, Florida, recently, Tim demonstrated why he is so different. Just ask Kelly Faughnan. But first one more Tebow story...

A friend of ours was interviewing a University of Florida student in the school cafeteria when another student approached, excused himself and asked the interviewee, who was wheel chair bound, how he was doing. The conversation was casual, lasted about fifteen minutes and it was obvious to our friend how much concern and care the student had for his wheel chair bound friend. After he left the student told our friend that was Tim Tebow, which had no impact whatsoever on our friend because she didn't know who Tim Tebow was. To me this represents a first hand, unbiased account of Tim's humanity. Now here's another:

Martin Fennelly of The Tampa Tribune tells the story here. Warning, this is a real good feel good story.

Here's what makes Tim different. After meeting and spending time with Kelly, most celebrities would wish her well and go on about their life. Tim Tebow, who hadn't known Kelly from Adam before that first evening, asked her if she would like to walk down the red carpet with him at the awards show the next day. Can you even possibly begin to imagine what Tim Tebow did for Kelly Faughnan?  (here are some pics of the two)

Best wishes in the next stage of your life Tim.

Lassoing Success

When you were a kid and had hair and dried your hair with a blow drier and wore platform shoes, did you ever lasso the drier's cord around a drawer knob or some other object in the bathroom?

When you were a kid and played pretend cowboy, did you ever try to lasso an object in the yard, one of your mother's flower pots or your little sister?

How many times did you successfully lasso that flower pot? How many times did you successfully lasso something in the bathroom? My success ratio in the bathroom was prolific. That cord wrapped itself around stuff in such ways that I could safely rappel down a mountain.

I wonder if success isn't much like lassoing? The harder you try, the more it slips away from you. The less you try, the more likely it will come.

Speaking of hair driers, did you ever drop the cord end on your toe? How could something so light hurt so much?

 http://www.flickr.com/photos/jkirkhart35/ / CC BY 2.0

The Laughing Bride

If you are walking down the road and a hundred dollar bill is laying on the ground, do you think you'd pick it up? Sure you would. It's natural. Just as natural as the laughter you will break out into after watching this video. It's just human nature.

By the way, the preacher is the bride's soon to be father-in-law.

Berrett-Koehler: Baby Boomers & Life Transitions

Hey you got a second? Here, get on your knee and place your ear on the ground. Can you feel that vibration? Sure you can, you can almost hear it. You know what that is? It's the Baby Boomer generation coming...on a new trajectory. A couple years back that rumble was on a fast track toward retirement. While they are still on a life-transition course, retirement is no longer at the finish line. And you know what? That might not be a bad thing.

Every time that I visit Berrett-Koehler's (BK) Website, I discover a different nugget of gold. Here are a few words that I extracted out of their identity brochure:

A major theme of our publications is “Opening Up New
Space.” Our books challenge conventional thinking,
introduce new ideas, and foster positive change. Their
common quest is changing the underlying beliefs, mindsets,
institutions, and structures that keep generating
the same cycles of problems, no matter who our leaders
are or what improvement programs we adopt.

Opening Up New Space...how could one possibly cobble together four more pertinent words as to what Baby Boomers need to do on their road to life transitions? If you keep this theme in mind while you peruse BK's categories of Currents, Life and Business, you'll find a world of guidance and direction.

If I wanted a couple of guys to talk about the ins and outs of hitting a baseball, I'd recommend Ted Williams and Babe Ruth. If I wanted a couple of guys to talk about Baby Boomers and life transitions, I'd recommend Richard Bolles and Richard Leider. BK however, has already hooked up with them. Check it out: