Rothacker Reviews

Stolen Innocence

Stolen Innocence by Elaine Carole

Her eyes sparkle, her smile glows and her confidence beams - twenty-first century businesswoman. Devoted mom, devoted daughter and devoted teen advocate. Elaine Carole has a message for teenagers. It can save years of torment and pain. Elaine knows. She endured that torment and pain herself. If only someone could have been there for her...

 
Stolen Innocence is Elaine's personal chronicle of the sexual abuse and terror that she suffered during ten years of childhood. It was Elaine's stepfather who with each visit to her bedroom, stole the innocence of her youth. 

By nature, Elaine is a strong woman. When the abuse stops she moves on with her life. Although no doubt tortured on the inside, she goes about the business of being a daughter, a mom and a provider. No one on the planet, not even her mom, knows the evil that she endured. No one knows that is, until Sergeant Chris Long comes along and her story begins to slowly unravel.

The monster, for her stepfather could no longer be regarded as anything but, is suspected of molesting children in his neighborhood. Sergeant Long contacts Elaine's mom in regards to her now ex-husband. When Elaine hears what he is suspected of doing, her head pounds and her mind numbs. There is no way in the world that she wants to go down this road. For Heaven's sake, her mom, her best friend, still doesn't know!

The reason that Elaine eventually does come forward (you'll have to read the book), is in my opinion, partly responsible for her life's work today. Elaine has a daytime job, but I suspect if you ask her, her life's work is slightly different.

Rosemary and I had the privilege of sitting down to talk with Elaine. When our conversation ended, Rosemary walked up to Elaine, hugged her and said, "You are an incredible woman Elaine!" I'll add remarkable. Pick up a copy of Stolen Innocence today and find out why for yourself.

Elaine is donating a portion of the proceeds of her book to the Pinellas County Victim Rights Coalition.

Really cool inside bit of info that we personally got from Elaine that you might touch on as you read the book but knowing in advance you'll appreciate even that much more: Sergeant Chris Long is a very, very good policeman (and now detective) and a stand up, caring human being.

Ordinarily I don't mention Amazon.com book reviews of books that I review. But the one and only negative review of Stolen Innocence sends up a red flag. An English professor might take exception with parts of Elaine's work. Her story however, is so compelling and powerful, criticism of this nature slips into the background and fades irrelevant.

Rape and When a Child Cries

The other kids clear the classroom. She turns to follow and then stops. The demons inside push her towards the door. She fights. She quivers. And then she pushes herself towards the teacher and the guest speaker. Her brain feels like it's going to explode as she begins to sob. The moment she opens her mouth, she knows her life will never be the same. But will it ever be better?

"I was raped..."

I wrote the other day about Linda Hurtado's video interview of Elaine Carole. At one point in the interview, Elaine is talking to a high school class about sexual violence and rape. She encourages the kids to ask for help if they are a victim. Following the talk, a young lady approaches Elaine and the teacher (the paragraph above is a characterization based solely upon my imagination). Her tears of pain and the sobbing hurt however, were real, very real. And I can't get her pain and emotion out of my mind. It hurts me.

Since ABC Action News aired their first segment on domestic violence in April of 2009, I've spent time researching both domestic violence and rape online. The amount of news and information is staggering! With so much of it out there, you wonder why it doesn't come up in everyday conversation more. You know though. It's a highly sensitive subject. You're not about to tell your fellow worker about a rape in the family the way you would tell them about the play your kid is in. Domestic violence and rape are engulfed in taboo.

I believe when a normal, caring adult hears and feels the pain and emotion in the sobbing of a victim of sexual violence, it will begin to break down the walls of ignorance and indifference. As normal, caring adults however, we need to make it easy for kids to approach us. We need to develop a sense of awareness.

Here is a link to Pandora's Project and a list of essays and articles on sexual violence and rape. Spend some time and increase your awareness. Don't let young adults and children suffer from sexual abuse.

Here is the National Domestic Violence Hotline phone number to call for help: 1-800-799-7233

If you're in Florida call the this number (or you can call the number above as well): 1-800-500-1119

A Child's Plea for Help

"I am being raped every day. Can you help me?"

If you're like most normal human beings, you'd move mountains to help the child who came to you with this question. Intuitively you'd know: I don't have to be a doctor, therapist or social worker to help here. I can spend five minutes on Google and find a local agency to help.

You'd make the call and feel really good about what you did.

You know what the problem here is? Most kids who are the victims of sexual violence are either afraid to ask for help or don't know who to ask. Can you imagine being trapped in this vicious prison?

Elaine Carole knows.

ABC Action News team member Linda Hurtado tells Elaine's story in this segment from ABC Action News' recent prime time special Taking Action Against Domestic Violence.

So, if kids are not asking for help, how can we help them? Watch the ABC Action News story (linked to above) and check out the resources and links on this ABC Action News' Web page.

With a little education and information we can learn to recognize signs of abuse and make it easier for a child to reach out for help.

From the Florida Department of Children & Families here is the statewide number to call for help: 1-800-500-1119

For more on Elaine Carole and her book Stolen Innocence visit her Web site here.

Lizzie's Sister Leslie

Hi, my name is Leslie. I'm Lizzie's sister. Lizzie still lives across the country with our Mom. She still goes to school and still works with the ladies in the kitchen. Lizzie is as tender and caring of a human being as God has ever put on this Earth. Lizzie would give a person in need the shirt off of her back. In fact, one time she did just that. Mom tried to explain that girls weren't supposed to walk about wearing only their bras. Lizzie's didn't understand. Mom chalked it up to one of those precious Lizzie moments.

I work as a designer for a graphic arts firm on the east coast. My life hits the accelerator the minute I get up in the morning and doesn't let up until my head hits my pillow every night. Days blur into nights that blur into days that blur into weeks that blur into memories that I can only remember by looking back on my Facebook page. I don't call Mom as much as I should and I call Lizzie less. I love them with all of my heart but life seems to be getting in the way. 

Mom called yesterday to let me know that Lizzie's best friend moved away. Sam, who had practically grown up with Lizzie, has all of his chromos. Sam would play with Lizzie and bring her chocolate candy and talk with her and protect her from imaginary demons and tell her her clothes didn't match and take her shopping. Although they are both thirty-two years old, when they are together they are nine. No one, including our own Mom, is more protective of Lizzie. Sam's company relocated to another state. He had to go. Lizzie was crushed.

I could feel her pain a thousand miles away. I want to take her into my arms and comfort her. I want to brush her hair back and let her cry on my shoulder. I want to take her pain away. The thing is, I'll call Lizzie and she'll be happy to hear from me. She won't say anything about how long it's been since we talked or how long it's been since I sent her a card. She'll forget about Sam and put all of her concentration on me. Who will be comforting who?

Some of us are chosen to help others...even though life has been placed in our way, even though mental challenges have been placed in our way. Sometimes we need a friendly nudge to move forward. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call to get us moving. Sometimes it's the right thing to do.

Be the Wind

Carla's basketball career came to an end this past Thursday night when her high school team lost a regional quarter final playoff game. She has been playing since fourth grade. The circumstances surrounding this last game were absolutely crushing. I'll not go into detail but it involves the power and influence that a high school coach has.

Carla's last game was an icon that represented her entire high school basketball career with the exception of playing under the varsity coach in ninth grade. If I could draw a picture of what someone getting their soul ripped from their body looks like, you'd begin to get an idea.

As a professional in the workplace, I was a manager for too many years. Looking back at Carla's career I can't help but to see the employee who has a bit of a wild side, who is a little different, who has the heart of a lion, one whose above average talent fluctuates between the surface and just beneath the surface, one who brims with the intangibles that make a difference and one who desperately needs to be understood.

Unfortunately, Carla didn't have the on-court-talent to neutralize the coach. She needed his fairness, support, encouragement, faith, respect and guidance when she needed guiding---guiding that is with dignity and respect. Some adults demand to be respected. Others get respect by being respectful. You can do the math here.

If you are a coach or manager don't be a crushing, soul-depleting downdraft on the wings of your players or coworkers. Instead, work from a position of support and understanding, instead, Be the Wind.

Update: as I was publishing this post, Simon and Garfunkel were singing Bridge over Troubled Water. Nothing in this Universe is random, nothing.

Fortune: A Design Treasure

Strolling along the beach on a cold, gray February morning, I notice a sea shell beckoning for me to pick her up. Dusting off the sand I get a sense of nostalgia. Although her edges are well worn, her lines and color refuse to fade away. They remain as sentinels, looking for a future generation that will one time connect again. Could they have found me for this purpose? The sea shell will go into my collection. While I will no doubt get much pleasure from her lines, diagrams, illustration, photography, maps and covers, future Rothacker's I hope, will get that much more.

Thanks to Jason Kottke for his map to this sea shell.

Fortune: A Design Treasure

Davo, what do you mean future Rothacker's? I believe that Rothacker Reviews is a message in a time bottle to my future relatives. It is sort of like a memoir in progress. On occasion I will speak directly to my future tribe, but for the most part, it is my hope that they will run my words past their own filters and form their own opinions as to who this strange bird is (was). Of course really close tribesmen-n-women will have access to my journals, providing a clear and succinct glimpse into the inner machinery that cranked all this out (not).

Do you have a personal Web site? (I hate the word blog). Think about laying down some bread crumbs for your future relatives to discover.

Tim Tebow

The Difference with Tim Tebow

I remember when football nation was buzzing about Tim Tebow. Our family had just moved to Florida as Tim was graduating from high school. I told Rosemary this kid is going to be something special and we are going to have front row seats to his story, which was to play out at the University of Florida over the next four years.

Tim's college football career is now one of legend - a legend that is so popular, all one has to do to is type "Tim" into Google. Suggested search results has Tim Tebow in the third position.

I have seen close to eighty percent of UF's football games over the last four years on TV in addition to reading about the games and its program in our town's two newspapers. Aside from his work on the football field, there is almost always a mention of his work as a humanitarian. The manner in which the reporters and announcers talk about Tim is fascinating. It goes something like this: "You know all the hype you hear about Tebow? It's underrated. Tim Tebow is genuine, he's the real deal and until you meet and talk with him in person, it's impossible to get your mind around it."

Bill Billick mentioned it last night at the Sugar Bowl, Tim's record setting last game as a collegiate athlete. Billick had just met Tim for the first time this past week. You could tell, Billick, an ex NFL head coach and seasoned football guy, had been noticeably impacted upon by Tebow .

In Orlando, Florida, recently, Tim demonstrated why he is so different. Just ask Kelly Faughnan. But first one more Tebow story...

A friend of ours was interviewing a University of Florida student in the school cafeteria when another student approached, excused himself and asked the interviewee, who was wheel chair bound, how he was doing. The conversation was casual, lasted about fifteen minutes and it was obvious to our friend how much concern and care the student had for his wheel chair bound friend. After he left the student told our friend that was Tim Tebow, which had no impact whatsoever on our friend because she didn't know who Tim Tebow was. To me this represents a first hand, unbiased account of Tim's humanity. Now here's another:

Martin Fennelly of The Tampa Tribune tells the story here. Warning, this is a real good feel good story.

Here's what makes Tim different. After meeting and spending time with Kelly, most celebrities would wish her well and go on about their life. Tim Tebow, who hadn't known Kelly from Adam before that first evening, asked her if she would like to walk down the red carpet with him at the awards show the next day. Can you even possibly begin to imagine what Tim Tebow did for Kelly Faughnan?  (here are some pics of the two)

Best wishes in the next stage of your life Tim.

Hope, Love and Remembering my Dad

My Dad passed away on the fifth of November. He was seventy-nine years old. I wrote a remembrance and recited it at St Joan of Arc church, located in Streetsboro, Ohio, on November 11th. My sister Debra, encouraged me to post it here.

Debra, our brother Michael and myself were the victims of parental(s) alcohol abuse as children. It is important to reveal this personal detail because as you read through my words, you will not come to this conclusion on your own. Growing up was hard, damn hard. And the demons that visited the doorstep of our youth sunk their talons in and rode our backs into adulthood.

Respect and love paralleled the abuse. This took our brains and emotions and, with bone crushing centrifugal force, distorted our reality. In the end however, respect and love prevailed.

The end began in the mid-seventies. But first, here are my words:

It Ain't Me Babe

I believe in marriage. But I also believe in putting in time to really get to know each other before making the most important commitment of one's life. Listen to Joan Baez sing this song. Her slower interpretation allows one to sink their minds into this song's words and meaning.

Speaking of Joan B, check out the power, emotion and message in this song.

I was a young teen in the late sixties. There's so much more that I appreciate about those times today.

The Laughing Bride

If you are walking down the road and a hundred dollar bill is laying on the ground, do you think you'd pick it up? Sure you would. It's natural. Just as natural as the laughter you will break out into after watching this video. It's just human nature.

By the way, the preacher is the bride's soon to be father-in-law.