Listening

I am a manager.  I manage one person (a responsibility that I share with Rosemary).  Myself.   I do not like the word manager.  I wish it could be replaced with the word enabler - forever.  In my role of manager of me, I learned an invaluable lesson this past week while attending a convention.

I am reading the book Influencer.  In chapter one the authors talk about Albert Bandura.  Actually if you substitute the word revere for talk you'll get a more accurate picture.  Bandura, a renowned professor, researcher and doctor of psychology, is cited for his classic work on how powerfully our behavior is shaped by observing others.  With the art of observation so acutely on my mind, please join in on a recent experience.

I was in a conversation with a fellow enabler who I will call Pete and a higher level executive who I will refer to as Will.  Really I was listening.  The two were talking about a third party that Pete and I deal with on one level and Will deals with on another.  The relationships are complicated and full of political strife and stress.  Pete has been burned by the third party many times over the years.  The salt in his open wound is the result of our company standing behind the third party over Pete - even when there is no ground for the company to stand upon.  Will's job is to maximize production from this third party company and is the direct liaison between each organization. 

Although Will's territory covers the southeastern region of the United States, his home office is in Tampa and I have the privilege of seeing him frequently.  Will, who is a couple of years older than I, is a polished businessman.  One of his strengths is the ability to analyze a conflict and guide each party towards a best outcome resolution.  So when Pete and Will's conversation turned toward conflict, I moved to the edge of my seat and watched Will. 

Will wants Pete and myself to forget past relationships and move towards a more favorable partnership with this company.  Pete's wounds run deep.  It's hard for Pete to move forward when the wolf of the past is ripping flesh from his behind.  You cannot only hear it in his words, you can feel it as well.  Pete was dwelling on this and not actually listening to Will.  Will spoke sensibly.  But Pete kept bringing up old history.  Will became infuriated.  His only physical reactions were a slight increase of volume in voice and a squinting of his eyes.  I thought at that point, Will's eyes could bench press five-hundred pounds.  In my mind, Will's eyes seared home the message.  I certainly would not forget it.  After Will told Pete for the ninth time that he wasn't listening, he refused to continue the discussion.  I quickly jumped in and took the conversation in another direction and the three of us spoke for a few more minutes.

Listening is fun.  A person like Will obtained a position like his for a reason.  Why not join me and together we can read folks like Will's book and learn volumes.

Comments

[Steve Sherlock]

Dave I agree. Listening is an underrated and underutilized skill. For those amongst us (like you) who value listening, it can provide hours of learning (if not entertainment, especially in public places) just watching folks and their interactions.